I needed a screwdriver. Passing the bag of recycled cans on the steps, I went straight to the tool shed in the garage and claimed my screwdriver. “Why would you walk right by this bag of cans and not take it out to the garage?” my wife shrieked.
“Well, I was thinking about the screwdriver and didn't notice the cans,” I said defensively.
As my wife left the area shaking her head, I knew that I was guilty of a specific offense-being male. You see, we males are interested in goals and tasks to be done. When we have a task, very little is allowed to get in the way. It's a trait shared by most males, and one that drives many wives to the brink of insanity.
This fundamental difference in men and women is the source of most of the conflicts that occur between husbands and wives in our country today. He focuses on tasks to be done and individual goals, and she focuses on the relationships in the family, or what needs arise for the family as a whole. Both sides believe that they have the same priorities-to help the family. But when each side is coming from such a vastly different perspective, conversations can fall apart in a matter of moments.
If you're a husband and father who's interested in figuring out the needs of your family, rather than what tasks need to be done, here are some ideas:
• Start by just trying to use a “needs of the family” focus for one day. See what changes happen for you, and go from there. Sometimes all you need is a starting point.
• Take account of the areas where you need to improve (your wife will help you identify them quickly!). These might be spending more time in planning for the family, time with the kids, etc.
• Write down the ways in which you may be diverting your time and energy away from being more involved in the needs of your family. This might be TV, golf, work that isn't absolutely necessary, etc.
• Find a way to shift from the goal-directed mode at work to the needs-directed mode at home. Use the drive home to make this shift. Start by thinking of questions you can ask your family and what your family might need.
