Below are some ideas for managing conflict within your marriage.
• Try to understand your partner’s feelings or perspective.
• Try to hear the positive in your partner’s message.
• Share your feelings with your partner.
• Brainstorm possible solutions.
• Even when you’re having problems in your marriage, keep a good relationship with your children.o Do things with your children that they enjoy.
• Show them love and affection. Give them a hug or a pat on the back.
• Tell them when they do things you like. Talk with your children about things that interest them and what they’re doing and feeling.
• Be available – whenever possible, stop what you’re doing so you can help, listen or talk.
Be clear with your children that they’re not the cause of your disagreements.
• Let them know that the issues aren’t about them & that the two of you are working on solutions.
• Continue to spend positive time with your children – remind them that you love them.
• Encourage your partner to maintain a positive relationship with your children.
• Don’t feel you have to tell your children what the issue is. Some problems are for adult ears only.
Article taken from the Parenting Research Centre
Conflict happens in families. Its effects on children all depend on the level and frequency of the conflict, and the way it’s resolved. So managing it in constructive ways is important – for your children, your relationship and the happiness of the entire family.
Children aren’t born knowing how to handle conflict, so occasional arguments are unlikely to cause lasting harm if they’re handled well. In fact, seeing you work together to resolve issues teaches your children valuable skills. For example, by working together to resolve differences, you show your children how to negotiate and solve problems effectively. This also teaches children that difference and conflict are a part of life. It can also be reassuring when you show optimism that a problem will be worked out, as can a simple explanation of how you’ve resolved a disagreement.
The difficulty comes when parents fight a lot and don’t resolve their differences. This can be distressing and harmful for children. The more parents argue, the more it affects children. Severe and frequent conflict can lead to a higher risk of emotional, behavioral and social problems. Children are more likely to be disobedient and to experience problems such as depression, aggression, or poor performance at school. Unhealthy conflict affects children badly, whether parents are together or separated. Even when there’s no arguing, any discord, anger or unspoken hostility can cause distress.
Conflict can be particularly harmful if it involves abuse, threats or disputes about a child in front of the child. Physical violence makes things even worse. Children who grow up seeing physical violence are more likely to experience personal and social problems as adults.
Some children cope better with conflict than others. Factors such as temperament and age make a difference. So does the type and frequency of the conflict. Younger children are more likely to show that they’re upset. Throwing tantrums, or becoming more difficult to manage, might be signs of stress. Older children might experience social problems such as depression and negative self-esteem.
In last week’s Reflections we discussed some of the personal distractions that occur in our lives. Distractions are a tool of the devil to minimize our fruitfulness for God. Distractions are not only a challenge for individuals, they are also a hindrance to churches. Congregations can be distracted by the dazzle of the latest trends that we get distracted from substantive ministry. It is not enough for the church to be active, we must be purposeful. The mission of the church is determined by God. Every congregation that belongs to Christ has the same mission: make and develop followers for Christ (Matthew 28:18-20). The ministries of the church are vital in helping the church fulfill its mission. As such, it should be clearly apparent how specific ministry events and activities help the church carry out her Christ given mission. If an idea or ministry event does not help us fulfill the purpose for which God established the church, it should not be done by the church.
Distractions can also impact our congregational worship. The leadership continuously seeks to remove as many barriers to worship as possible, so that we can collectively worship God in spirit and in truth. That is why announcements and visitor recognitions take place once worship is over. That is why we strive to have the words projected on a screen for all of the songs that we sing. It is also important for members to work to remove distractions to worship. When we do things like arrive on time for worship, leave out during worship only when absolutely necessary, turn the ringer off on our phones, and not hold conversations during worship, we are removing distractions that can hinder the offering of worship that we are giving to God.
In last week’s reflection on leadership lessons from the life of Joseph we noted that discouragement is often the devil’s weapon of choice in his quest for us to suppress the greatness that is within. One of Satan’s other tools is distraction. If he cannot discourage us, he will seek to distract us. Satan seeks to draw our attention away from the main thing and turn our attention to mundane things. Distractions are a great enemy of excellence.
In the life of Joseph, Potiphar’s wife attempted to distract Joseph from his purpose and hinder his walk with God (Genesis 39). Christians should always be aware of the potential for the distraction of improper relationships. This distraction leads to destruction. It destroys homes, lives, careers, our influence, and our testimony.
Distractions can come in many other, often more subtle forms. These distractions hinder our fruitfulness for the Lord. They can also hinder our productivity at work. Our smart phones can be a great distraction. Think about all of the hours that people spend a year playing games like Bejeweled, Angry Birds, Candy Crush, and Flow Free. How many times have we gone on social media for “just a minute”, and thirty minutes later we are still
watching videos, liking posts, and scrolling through our timeline? Now think about how
those hours could have been used to glorify God. How many people could have been exposed to the gospel of Christ? How many verses of scripture could we have read? How much more time could we have spent connecting with God, the church, and the world? Our hobbies, television, sports, and just the busyness of life also distract us from our purpose.
We can minimize the distractions by making our phones inconvenient to access. Charge it in another room while the family is sharing a meal. Place it in a drawer in your desk away from you. Schedule time for personal and family Bible study, volunteering in your community, and other activities that help you connect. Set aside a limited amount of time for utilizing technology. Use an alarm to help keep you honest. What other ways can you think of to help minimize the distractions? Share them on our Facebook page.
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